Monday, September 12, 2005

A Visual Guide to the Manhattan Boro President Primary

Tomorrow, September 13th is the Democratic primary election in New York City. The race for mayor is all but decided already (it's gonna be Bloomberg - everyone else go home)-- besides, who would vote for someone with the name Weiner anyway?

The Manhattan borough president election is shaping up to be much more interesting -- As a community service I am providing you a voters guide below.

Brian Ellner aka the gay one
Pros: Has anti-George Bush commercial on TV, he can't be that bad! Could unleash the forces of fierceness on the office of boro president.
Cons: Do we really need an inauguration party at XL?

Carlos Manzano
Pros: Immigrant from Colombia (the country, not the school) - self made professional
Cons: This mofo has sent me more junk mail in the last two months then every credit card company combined. He is the real world equivalent of the "enlarge your penis now" email spam.

Eva Moskowitz
Pros: I know nothing about this woman except all her campaign appearances and flyers seem to try to make us think of Eva Peron - and who doesn't love Evita?
Cons: I think that if the boro presidental candidates were competing in an "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" Eva Peron impersonation contest Eva Moskowitz would loose - Carlos Manzano would place second - he is from South America after all. Clearly Brian Ellner would place first - you know that she's probably walked the runway in heels and a tiara at least once or twice before.

Margarita Lopez or M-Lo as her photo description says
Pros: When her posters first went up in the neighborhood a man passing by commented "Work the teeth bitch!" - We could harness the scariness of her teeth and use them as an effective deterrent to crime and potential terrorists.
Cons: She scares small children. Could be long lost latin cousin of Jerri Blank (see below)


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