Wednesday, August 31, 2005

MTV awards recaps and such

Rich over at FourFour has a great recap of the MTV Awards the other night - Check it out here

There are some omissions though -

Dishonorable mention goes to Eva Longoria - she came out on stage in the tightest bikini imaginable - so tight that Marvin and I swear we saw labia.

Mariah Carey -
Her performance was just I can imagine her at some pre-VMA conference call insisting that she'd only preform if she had a wind machine blowing her hair and was able to dive in the pool in a skin tight evening gown.

Shakira -
She'd looked (and sounded) great, but Alejandro Sanz is not a stripper pole.

And - why was Hammer in attendance?? Why is he everywhere lately?

Oh - and while you're at FourFour - make sure to download all the Whitney and Bobby sound clips - I'll be putting them on my work PC tomorrow.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Keepin It Real in the East Village

My sister and I decided that a family outing was long overdue -- and what is more family oriented then Wigstock?

This was only my third Wigstock (I went to one on the pier back in the day, and my second as part of the HOWL festival and, unlike last year (where it rained - really hard - and delayed the show for over an hour) the weather was fantastic.

The good weather brought a ton of people to Tompkins Square Park, and given it's colorful history it wasn't surprising that there were a few crackheads in attendance.

I was chatting with my sister and brother in law when I overheard the following conversation

Man: Honey, you're leaking!

CrackWhore: Mind your own fucking business!

Man: You're purse- it's leaking! Stuff is coming out of it!

CrackWhore: Don't tell me what to do!

I turn to see this mid 40's ish, Courtney Love-esque woman dripping beer from her mesh handbag -- she was dripping through pretty much the entire first set! It was good to see in a time when NYC is rapidly gentrifying that we still get some colorful street life.

Highlights of the show included:

Lady Bunny
, the organizer and one of the founders of Wigstock, who performed her usual medley of twisted pop songs that she dedicated to "The beautiful, talented and crack addicted lesbian Miss Whitney Houston"

Kevin Aviance was on hand to promote his latest single "Strut" which featured the chorus "You're ass is played out". Kevin stayed around for a bit after his set to proclaim to the audience how he was "Filled With The Spirit" and get a few hallelujah before he headed off.

I have no idea who this is, but she had the
Camel Toe
of life.

Lady Miss Kier returned from a long hiatus to perform some new material. One song in particular caught my attention - I believe it was called "I don't need your war" and featured dancers in fatigues, burkas and the infamous Abu Gharib hooded prisoner.

Flotilla Debarge was on hand, doing a spot on rendition of Macy Gray's "I Try"

The Jackie 60 crew did a stage show based on the French Revolution (complete with a beheading) to a mash up of classical music and Jay-Z's HOVA.
It was the first time I've ever been pelted with bread at any type of performance.

A shot of The Mussycat Dolls performing "Don't Cha"

This year marked the 20th Anniversary of Wigstock - may there be 20 more!

Friday, August 26, 2005

The definition of WRONG

I got home a bit early today from work and decided it would be a good time to do laundry. I dragged all my clothes to the laundry room to find it empty - except for some items in the dryer.

I put all of my laundry in the machine and come back 45 minutes later to find there's still clothing in all of the dryers.

I hate touching other people's laundry (I think it's nasty) - and I have this fear that the owner of the laundry will return while I'm removing it from the dryer- get pissed off- and take vengeance out on my laundry when I leave the room.

So I wait for another 10 minutes and nobody enters to claim the laundry. I have no choice but to move it myself.

I reach in and grab a stack of laundry and notice that I have grabbed a handful of PERIOD PANTIES. Yes, some woman's oversized, overworn underwear that had been stained beyond belief.

Is it too much to ask that if you leave a nasty, bloody item in the laundry room that you come claim it in a reasonable amount of time??

I quickly threw the period panties on the folding table and washed my hands.

I put all my stuff in the dryer and come back an hour later only to find THE PERIOD PANTIES ARE STILL THERE.
Rather then touch her panties again, I decided I'd fold the laundry in my apartment.

I'd like to advise this woman (whomever she is) that she's nasty, and that they now make super absorbent tampons and pads with wings. She may want to look into getting some more protection.

Sadly, this isn't the first time I've had something like this happen.

The morals of the story are:
1. ladies, please take responsibility for your menstrual flow
2. don't do your own laundry - let someone else do it

Big Cup coffeehouse to close?

According to this post the Chelsea landmark Big Cup is slated to close for good this coming weekend. [via blog Chelsea]

I haven't been to the Big Cup in a very long time (mostly because at 26 years old I am way out of their demographic, but I have fond memories of the place.

I remember stopping by in for the first time around 1995 - a very closeted high school boy from Staten Island - and being amazed that there was a place so close to home that was filled with gay people my age just hanging out. I think most of my friends from high school have been dragged there at one point or another and have experienced the magical trifecta of espresso, rice krispie treats and Deborah Cox in a venue that looks like Pee Wee's Playhouse?

Hopefully this is just a rumor and the Big Cup will live on - for the (gay) children of the future

Update: The rumor seems to be true and it will close forever this Sunday, August 28th. Rest in peace old friend.

A very WTF post

First of all - what the hell happened here?

I found the above while walking home.

Secondly (and almost as scary) what the hell happened here?

Thanks Ciarra, now I get to post about Pubic Pants twice in one week -- only yours don't seem to be intentional.
I think you should take some of that money you've made from your last album and get yourself a Hollywood [via The Superficial]

Are you short and looking for housing? This Craigslist post may be for you:

$600 - Great deal for little people under 4' tall- basement studio apartment
First of all, this is not a joke even though it sounds funny. I have a home in Coney Island near the bay and near seagate where the basment ceiling is only 4' high due to the proximity to the beach. The dimensions are 20x31. It's a shame to let this space go to waste so I am offering to rent it to anyone who can fit. Obviously, I will not allow a normal sized person to rent it because that's just wrong. But a dwarf or little person would fit quite nicely. In addition, I am flexible on the rent if you are a circus dwarf or other perofmer and can entertain us during parties and other occasions. [via Curbed]

Ali G crashes Pamela Anderson's DOG WEDDING -- no, really (with pictures)

This is a link I've been meaning to post for a long time - R Kelly's "Trapped In The Closet" - Parts 1 - 5 --- reenacted by Sims

And Finally in other (non WTF) news -
Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together" [also here] is number one for a 13th week -- and I'm still forbidden from playing the original version when Marvin's around (he's over it - remixes are ok though)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

And over on the left coast...

I was in San Jose for the past two days. I arrived Sunday night, starving, wishing I had begged the flight attendant for another package of pretzels. I'm sorry, but throwing two dime bag sized packages of mini-pretzels my way on a 6-hour flight is just silly. At least give me party mix so I have some variety. I was thrilled when the older woman sitting two seats away gave me hers. "I'm doing low-carb." You go gramma. Now hand over the pretzels.

So of course when I get to the hotel at 9:15, I find out that room service ends at 9:00 PM. So I ask the concierge what my options are for ordering in. "This late? Just Dominos." Oh god, where am I? "But we do have a room on the second floor that offers cold cuts, fresh fruit, coffee, soft drinks, and cookies from 9 PM to 5 AM, as a hospitality to our guests." Hopitality? Sounds like free to me. Sign me up. When I get to the room I notice that it's called "Raid Our Pantry". OK, if you insist!

Conveniently enough, the hotel was directly across the street from the office. And they did have amazing breakfasts. So good, that I would consider staying there again just for the food.

This afternoon we headed up to the W in San Francisco, which is where I'll be through Thursday. My room is bigger than our apartment. And I get to sleep on a Heavenly Bed! Did I mention that we need to shop for a new bed for the apartment soon?

You have to love the random feature on ipods. Current selection: Mariah Carey's "Prisoner". For those of you who haven't experienced this gem from her debut album, boy are you missing out. As far as I know, this was Mariah's first and last attempt at 'rapping'. And I use that term extremely loosely:

"So if you wanna be my love, you can't be all wild,
play up when you see me and then say, 'Mariah, I miss you.'
Expect me to hug and kiss you?
Don't mean to diss you,
but I guess I'm not the kind of girl you thought I was.
I've had enough of "Now, I'll see ya later, cuz."
Boy, made me know that I'll be strong enough,
but I won't be a pris'ner, baby, of your love,
no more, no more, no more, no more."

but hold on.........there's more!...

"I'm not one of those girls who'll wait around, cryin' 'cause you wouldn't take me all over town. You can't do that.
I'm not a doormat.
You're just a player.
That's not my format.
Hahahahaha ... See ya."

See ya indeed, homegirl.

What would YOU do? A two question self quiz

Question 1:

You go out to dinner with some friends and decide to only order a beer.
Your waiter was great The bill comes and you notice that an item has been accidentally omitted.

do you:

A) Put in money for the drink anyway - the waiter and the food were great and since I work in the financial services industry $10 won't kill me anyway

B) Pay for your drink but don't bother to add tax or tip

C) Rationalize that the missing item was probably something you ordered (even though you can't tell for sure as multiple people ordered the same thing) and leave $4

Question 2:

You have a reputation for being cheap and are dining with people who can sometimes be a little on the cunty side. Assume you've chosen C as your answer to the first question. Which of the following scenarios is the most likely to happen?

A) Your friends agree with you and gladly take your $4 (which, after all is equivalent to 16 quarters!)

B) Your friends will be annoyed, but everyone will be polite and not say anything

C) You will be called out on the internet

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Hammer, Continued

I've been informed by Rich of fourfour andf my friend Brian that there is no song called "Bumps in the Rump" - apparently the real title of the song is Pumps and a Bump -- the title sounds like it could be the theme of a Saturday night at The Roxy

Anyhow, Rich was nice enough to direct me to this animated pic of the video. MTV sure doesn't make 'em like they used to.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Why did the Guido cross the road?

Apparently, to get to KTU's beatstock

Marvin and I took the LIRR for a 45 minute ride to the fabulous Tommy Hilfiger Jones Beach Theater. I really would have enjoyed the ride except for the fact that I attract crazy people to me every time I leave my apartment.
I was approached by a woman who was wearing hot pink from head to toe (well- except for her Puerto Rico accessories which were everywhere). She was apparently a frequent caller to KTU and got comp tickets to the show. In a three minute conversation the woman told us she was a cousin of Lisa Lisa (of Cult Jam fame), recently had been impregnated by freestyle singer Coro , had an abortion (so she could continue to party), and was a cutter.

One uncomfortable shuttle bus ride later and we were close to the venue. Once we got within a half mile of the theater there was nothing but Guidos and their big haired, sharp nailed ho girlfriends as far as the eye could see.

For reference purposes, Urban Dictionary defines a Guido as the following:

A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.

WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.

NATURAL HABITAT: Known to frequent Tri-State area malls looking for club gear to waste their week's pay on (most likely spotted shopping at "Bang Bang" in Staten Island). During the day when not at their food delivery, telemarketing, or construction job, can be located at their local gym tanning or lifting weights. Can be found nightly at mainstream danceclubs they read about online (SF, Webster Hall, Etc.). Most notable for cruising the Jersey shore in an old car (Honda, Mustang, etc.) which has been tinted, painted and sports $1,000-$3,000 rims in a feeble attempt to look like new. Guido cars usually have a boomin' system through which cheesy music like freestyle, commercial club/trance and hip-hop (anything KTU plays) is loudly blasted.

GENETIC LINKS: Directly related to modern day urban-guidos, A.K.A. "wiggers," A.K.A. "wegros;" urban-guidos are white males who once exhibited the traits referenced above, but have now instead opted to keep it unreal, with wardrobes consisting of clothes from labels like FUBU and Rocawear which they bought on sale at Macy's. These individuals still listen to the same music and drive the same type of car as their predecessor; it is usually just their choice of attire and use of slang and poor speech skills that differentiate them from the classic guido. Most guidos are distrusting of non-whites despite the fact some of their attire and music can be traced to non-white origins.

PASSTIMES/RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES: Guidos enjoy beating up a non-white or homosexual while assisted by a group of 5-10 guido friends backing them up; engaging in date rape; and displaying their lack of rhythm by dancing poorly in the middle of a club's dance floor while non-guidos look on in disbelief.
If you know a Mike, Joe, Rob or Tony, he's probably a guido.

So, really I guess I can't be surprised that so many of the Guido set were present.

We arrived just as Stonebridge was finishing their set. Marvin had re-introduced me to him last year - he has a long history of classic club mixes and productions. Sadly, only one song was performed - Put 'em High.

Some of the acts were fantastic - Sylver (pictured above) tore it up, performing her hit "All This Time" -- Talk about longevity - the song has been circulating through NYC clubland for at least the last two or three years and it still gets a great reaction. Judy Torres also commanded the stage - representing for all her "chunky but funky" people in the audience.

Most of the freestyle acts were fun for the nostalgia cheese factor - I've always wanted to hear TKA's "Maria" live - and now I've had my chance. Sometimes though the cheese goes too far -- like when they end the concert with MC HAMMER. He only did one song I recognized (the seminal 90s hit "U Can't Touch This") along with a selection of tracks from his "gangsta" era. One song was called "Bumps In The Rump" - a little risque for a man who is now a Priest.

There were some nice surprises - Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five showed up and performed their hits including White Lines, and the anthem of my apartment building The Message (you know - people pissing on the stoop - they just don't care).

Finally, I'd like to send a special message out to Lisa Lisa. It's not 1991. There should be a limit to your stage time - 15 minutes of All Cried Out is a bit of excessive.

In other important news today:

Ricky Martin Looks Gay [via towleroad]

Eva Longoria waxes her vagina [fun fact: It's called a Hollywood in the UK

D&G models skip the wax - Dolce & Gabbana now make "pubic pants" -- hey it's still better then bringing back stonewashed jeans

and finally

Jesus Walks (around NYC) [via towleroad]

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Kanye West <3's the gays

Feel the love

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Reality Check

I took these photos at two of the many "Bring Our Troops Home" vigils taking place nationwide tonight

While our president sets new records for most vacation days taken while in office American troops and Iraqi citizens face the harsh realities of war on a daily basis.

If nothing else, hopefully tonight allowed us to think about the sacrifices our military is making and gave us a few moment to pray for their quick, safe return.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Suddenly that pool doesn't seem so exciting

Apparently the people who frequent the Gansevoort Hotel can't keep control of their bodily fluids [via curbed]

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

iRiot for cheap laptops

Via CNN:

A rush to purchase $50 used laptops turned into a violent stampede Tuesday, with people getting thrown to the pavement, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over. One woman went so far to wet herself rather than surrender her place in line.

I've been excited about a sale before, but I can't say I've ever peed on myself (or anyone else) to get that sale item-- or beat anyone with household furniture for that matter.

Jesse Sandler said he was one of the people pushing forward, using a folding chair he had brought with him to beat back people who tried to cut in front of him.

"I took my chair here and I threw it over my shoulder and I went, 'Bam,"' the 20-year-old said nonchalantly, his eyes glued to the screen of his new iBook, as he tapped away on the keyboard at a testing station.

"They were getting in front of me and I was there a lot earlier than them, so I thought that it was just," he said.

In some countries there are fights over food - but in America we fight over outdated laptops.

This reminds me of the first (and last) time I went to an Armani sample sale. People literally ran into the showroom and claimed entire racks of clothing as their own. One person threatened to "beat my ass" for looking in the general direction of the pile of last season's clothing that he had horded in the corner.

So the moral of the story is that you won't meet the most upstanding citizens around at sample sales -- and if you choose to go, bring a bat (or whatever blunt object you can find).

Panic ensues in rush for cheap laptops []
$50 iBooks cause stampede! [unofficial apple weblog]
Video footage []

PS: on a side note you can now get your "I went to Henrico County for a $50 iBook but all I got was kicked in the balls" t-shirt on ebay!

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Space Invaded

The meatpacking district has been invaded - only this time not by b&t guidos, eurotrash or wannabe models.

Urban Invasion

Saturday, August 13, 2005

There's no air in here and I'm gonna die

I love New York - I really do-- but sometimes our relationship is a little bit strained- usually when it gets this HOT.

New York in the heat isn't that much fun - it seems to bring out two things
  • a higher then usual number of crazy people
  • the wafting smell of pee every 5 feet
At least I'm not alone in my inability to deal with heat. Madonna understands how I feel. (via

I guess it's not all that bad - without the heat I would never have been able to see the above Madonna clip - which in turn would have meant that Marvin would never have been inspired to create one of his latest tracks.

Marvin Mendoza featuring Ms. Ritchie - Heat Exhaustion.mp3 [link temp removed]

that's what we are

The moon up above, it shines down upon our skin
Whispering words that scream of outrageous sin
We all want the stuff that's found in our wildest dreams
It gets kinda rough in the back of our limousine
That's what we are, we all want a love bizarre
- Sheila E, "A Love Bizarre"